Today, we’re going to talk about some truly bizarre titles that are as NSFW as they come but are presented in very different ways than you’d imagine.
From carefully aiming big floppy genitals at targets to running a dirty webcam empire and even a title entirely devoted to snapping the perfect dick pic, these are all games the ESRB is most definitely not ready for.
Genital Jousting
I’m sort of surprised it took so long for a title like this to hit development. Described as a “4 to 8 player couch-sports game,” Genital Jousting is a game about penetrating your friends with big, friendly, floppy penises. I know that’s how I like to spend my Saturday evenings, and now there’s a digital version available to make things so much simpler!
The game’s website hilariously makes you “scroll down to consent” (hey, at least they’re making an effort to keep it clean!) and the gameplay vids available so far actually look entertaining. I’m hoping there’s a super hard mode (tee hee) that will essentially be Octodad but with penises instead.
The flopping sound effects will take some getting used to, but note how the “penetration” announcement part sounds just like the “superstate” announcement in Geometry Wars 3. I did always feel the one thing that particular game series lacked was genitals, and the oversight has finally been corrected.
Genital Jousting is slated to drop later this year, and you better believe I’ll be reviewing and writing guides for it!
What’s Under Your Blanket?
I never would have envisioned a “fapping simulator” in quite the way this little indie game came up with. The whole point is to have a little fun by yourself, but other people keep interrupting you, as your family and friends apparently have a serious lack of boundaries.
I get stopping if your sister walks in, but why’s he so upset about the cat catching a glimpse? Maybe some follow-up DLC is in order in which our intrepid masturbator invests in door locks.
By the way, What’s Under Your Blanket? is 30% off through Steam until the end of the week, so if 99 cents is too much for you, best grab it while it’s only 69!
The Guy Game
This one’s actually quite old, having come out all the way back in 2004 in the PlayStation 2/original Xbox era. Putting together two vastly different elements, The Guy Game rewarded you with dancing hotties in bikinis and increasingly exposed breasts if you…correctly answered random trivia question in a gameshow style.
I know nothing gets my engine revving quite like Friday night trivia with the pals! It was not a hit, and the developer eventually went out of business.
A lawsuit alleging that one of the girls gone wild in a later portion of the game was only 17 at the time of filming also didn’t help matters.
HunieCam Studio
From the same degenerates who brought you HuniePop comes HunieCam Studios. The trailer is significantly more salacious than the gameplay itself, which is like a mobile resource juggling game, but instead of iron or soldiers, you’ve got “cake farting fetish” and “pole dancing!”
Be sure to manage your expenses properly. Those ladies expect to be paid, and they ain’t cheap. Then there’s the escorts, photo shoots, and web server expenses.
Man, running a filthy webcam empire is less arousing than you’d think. Still, there’s a good deal of hilarity to be had here, and my hat is off to the #1 review on Steam right now that simply reads “MOM I’M STARTING A BUSINESS.”
Cobra Club
The fact that the phrase “dick pics” is part of the public consciousness has always been perplexing to me. It’s weird, because even though I have the male part in question, unlike politicians, frat boys, and drunk bar dudes alike, I’ve never experienced the urge to snap a pic and send it to anyone on my phone.
Clearly there’s something wrong with me, and thankfully Cobra Club is here to help. Now I can ease into the world of dick pic-ery by playing a penis photography simulator!
Get the perfect angle, choose completely soft or any level of erection, but be sure to blur out your face – you wouldn’t want anyone to see that in the photo. For the socially conscious who don’t enjoy mutilating boy genitals, a recent update also provided the game with intact foreskin support.
What prompted the creation of such a game? This explanation is taken from the game’s official website:
Want to try before you buy? Check out six minutes gameplay right here. Before you head to the link and hit play on that clip though, keep in mind this is Vimeo, not pansy YouTube – they don’t censor anything. The best part of the game might be the sound effects, including someone knocking on the door and you hear “It’s mom, are you alright in there?”
To help re-imagine what dick pics can do for society, Cobra Club gives everyone, even people without dicks, access to the means of (dick pic) production though a fully-adjustable virtual 3D dick and versatile camera controls. It is both no one’s dick and everyone’s dick. Perhaps the dick pic is democracy itself…
Rinse and Repeat
From the same visionary mind that gave us Cobra Club comes another title featuring gameplay elements I never expected to come across. Rinse And Repeat is a steamy first person showering game about giving a hunk a helping hand.
Now you can live out all your male shower room fantasies, ladies and gents! The gameplay seems to be much more focused on actually scrubbing the hunks down though, and less on anything overtly sexual, despite the nudity.
These were six of the most bizarre and extremely NSFW games we’ve come across! Let us know if you’ve tried any of these, and be sure to recommend any more odd titles we left out!
